UFC President Dana White calls Brian Stann “one of the classiest people on Earth” for not continuing to smash his elbow into a man’s face after he had lost consciousness.  In the spirit of paying it forward, then, I’m ready to declare UFC President Dana White “one of the hardest people to impress on Earth”, because I’m at least 30% certain that he made the comment sarcastically.  Because I don’t think I know very many people that would continue to assault an unconscious person who had picked a fight with them in the parking lot of a bar, much less so-called professional athletes engaging in a contest of strength and skill for sport.  I know that there is probably a seedy underside to the world of professional fighting, but these guys are pulling in literally hundreds of dollars.  Reading between the lines, all I see here is Dana White saying, “Whenever I see an unconscious man, I whip my dick out and mercilessly fuck his butthole.”

Volume 2, Issue 2

Inside: Lists | Koala Party Reviews | Personals

That is why here at the koala believe all csusm students, all women, men, shmen, heshe, Trannies, Its, fatties and even KB’s, should not be denied the benefits of reading and laughing out loud until they piss themselves. All of you should feel free to come to a koala meeting as well. Thanks to a lot of pms-ing rug munching liberals many of you think the koala looks down upon certain groups of people. When in fact we respect all people equally.In fact the only thing I do not love equally is the taste of a sanmich and a beer. If one of you smokin hot freshmen would be so kind as to make me a sanmich and pop open a fresh beer for me at a meeting…. I know it would taste far better than any sanmich I could ever make….
Back to the complaint filed by CSUSM students…. How much sand got in your vagina at the beach the day you decided to file a federal complaint? The form alone probably cost a few hundred dollars for someone to draft up, not to mention the tax dollars that go to pay some Obama beauracrat to
read your the complaint that holds no legal ground nor does it even apply to our situation…. The koala is funded by students for students. Content is generated online at our website and published by students for other students. Nowhere in that process does Obama or anyone of the thousands of idi
ots he appointed come to a koala meeting drop off a check and scratch my balls while I type… As much as I would love to tbag Obama while he gives us funding to print the next few issues…. It’s just never going to happen.
Now if CSUSM gave us funding you could have probably accomplished something with your complaint. That is why we would like to ask all students to help fund the koala. This shit isn’t free to print. For the low low cost of $0.25 per student per semester of your student activity fee we could con
tinue to print Koalas for our children and our children’s children. You know they will need it. Tuition is on a constant rise and a monthly koala would more than help relieve the stress associated with these higher fees.
Until next time guys enjoy the top 5’s, keep inviting us to your parties, and don’t forget to flip the bird to the man next time you see him walking down the hall. O ya and if you see KB give her a swift kick in the testicles for me would you? It might knock some of the sand out of her vagina.

To the sexy mofo with the killer fashion sense that works on the 3rd floor of the library, GET AT ME!

dear tyrone fuck you -b107

To my roommate, Next time you tell us a story about you hooking up with one of our personal friends don’t lie and say he jizzed on you. WHO THE FUCK SAYS JIZZ IN A SERIOUS MANOR? And f.y.i. why the fuck do you need a hand mirror to stick a tampon in? There’s only one hole you need to stick it you dirty cunt.

to the fucking beans in the lib. shut youre god damn mouth n take your native convo elsewhere, JESUS. 10 min convo n still going strong

Thanks for that full page TKE ad in the last issue, now we all know why this paper sucks

To the RA’s that got their door handled tied shut to the storage room across the hallway.. We are sorry but it was funny as fuck at 2am on monday night

Dear guys with big dicks, stop with the romance bs and lets fuck already! -The girls of SM need to get laid you pussys!

To the Brunette cutie who sits on the far left side of the 1:00 PCSI 100 class, Lemme split the clam

Hey feminazis, go fist yourself!

Dear mystery bomber in BUS 304. I don’t know what you’re eating for lunch, but I hope you wear a diaper cuz those are the dirtiest air biscuits I ever tasted. -Flemdong

im a feminist and i think the koala is hilarious, whoever takes offense to this needs to move on and go drink some milk

After the foot-long fiesta at Players over the weekend, my bootyhole is now 5 inches in diameter. -HairyCarey

My azn roommate got his dick confused wit his pubes and shaved it off on accident. Tough break scrub

delci, we all hate you, you are a stupid bitch and I am 99.9 percent sure if you were to get cancer people would cheer because greek life would actually be able to have fun. you suck mass dick. love Nay

Dear Freshmen bitches. Down to pound? Cuz I shoot blanks! Sincerely, J from D3

don’t worry girls you can save your hymen for marriage. I am here for your B-hymen

To the bitch who is annoyed from Tweakers in raves should go fuck themselves with my big ass whistle it their mouth while i send a big black guy fuck the shit out them. Tweakerism is a great lifestyle… .From Underground Tweaker Club of CSUSM

Dear Ass Bandit, Why the fuck are you wearing a Ninja Turtle backpack to school. Your not at a rave and THIS ISN’T FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL, so grow the fuck up and pull Donatello’s bow staff out of your ass.

Dear wheel chair guy, How the hell do you get around this campus. You are my fucking hero.

To the idiot who carries his 2 gal water bottle to class everyday, please stop going “gluggluggluglugglugluggluglugl…gluggluglugglugglug” every, fucking, 15, minutes

I want everyone nominated for Homecoming King to rail me. Even the girl.

to that guy in the nursing uniform with the fauxhawk, id let you give me a physical any day of the week -brunette with boobs

To the girls that I gave everything to and in the end fucked me over and wanted to be just friends……….fuck you bitch, the rubber broke.

To all CSUSM filipinos, please leave the campus. you guys are by far the dirtiest race. -fellow japanese classmates.

Bryce Heathcock leader of the UVA strikes 3 Strikes, hell yeah!!!

Sitting in the library makes me horny… Is that weird?

I went through four years of community college for this?!?!? Dear lord

Why don’t we have a club for white people? I feel left out

Dear haters who keep dissing on the koala, Shut the fuck up, this shit is funny. – DD racial mutt

Its sad that people like you need to put down other people to feel good about yourself. Publishing it for the world to see is just icing on the cake.

Hey fuck face roommate, i hate you. Its your fault everyone has to have their own gallon of milk.

i’d fuck a koala

Dear bitch who sits behind me in psych, stop hiding shit in my afro when i fall asleep. Not cool… Unless its money.

Dear intitals SR in poli sci, Fuck me. That is all

If you’re going to rant about shit in “The Mother Fucking Personals” you should probably learn how to spell. Dumb fucks

if i hear skrillex one more time playing in some douchebag’s car at csusm i will fucking key your sweet souped up honda fit. Love every girl with a brain at csusm

Good thing you can’t get AIDS twice!

Jessica L, stop spreading shit that I jizzed on your face!! slut.

Want to pretend to be Greek? join AKP

dear guy in Ges100 in arts building @10:30 STOP hiding ur fuken satellite ears under ur hat we know they are there.

To all the guys with gigantic trucks: sorry about your dicks. Also if you’re gonna own a vehicle that big, at least learn how to fucking drive it.

bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips

San Marcos students seem to have a chronic masturbation problem…if you can’t keep it in your pants until you get home, something is wrong

To the girl that sits in my Spanish 101 class at 1pm, Tuesdays & Thursdays, back row closer to the window, blonde hair, rarely speaks… I know you from high school. Let’s make up for lost time

To the asian cunts who live below us on c1, stop bitching and get back on the boat. We’ll make noise if we fucking feel like it

Pornos and hormones and boxes of DiGiornosYou homos is loco your prolly drinking cuervowith some vatos with the door closed watchin zorro you homos

Can’t beat our meat! – Kil0 G- ZBT

Hey COBA, too bad you can’t get rid of that throat-clearing asshole who calls himself a teacher. Tenure is a bitch huh? Fuck you again and again and again and again

Hey COBA, me again. Tell that fat arrogant british asshole that throwing numbers up on the board IS NOT TEACHING. I am so fucking sorry I came to this school. And you don’t give a fuck
to the same assholes everywhere (SAE) hows GLCs dick taste?

I’ve gotten better customer support from a outsourced Indian guy calling on my internet than the staff at this school, it’s a little discouraging when a counselor has less of a clue then you

Imagine the Terminator raping Hitler. Did you laugh? You thought rape was funny. That means you’ll love the Koala.

To the feminist bitches that keep on complaining about the koala in my wmst class. Shut the fuck up!

Im a girl and I think this shit is hilarious. In fact, I’d screw some of the guys on the staff that hand it out.

Ladies, if you want to know how to get a guy to fall in love with you. Lick his taint and he will be yours forever.

If you are: Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, or a Pedophile, then you’ll LOVE Christianity!

Boys who live in that amazing house. I got drilled in your barn by one of your Frat guys and it was A-mazing. Def breaking up with my boyfriend NOW. Can’t wait to explore the rest of you boys.

Hey Disney Prof – Why the hell would I want to be a womens studies major when you have nothing nice to say about the other teachers in your dept? Really? Oh and I didn’t just a pay a tuition increase to have undergrads teach me either!

Dear CA, can we please send the all the fucking ugly mexicans back to mexico so the scholarships that all the white parents pay for can go to the damn white kids
to the disgusting girl with a flower tattoo on her shoulder…..when you breathe you sound like darth vader. 2 words: SILENT BREATHING. try it

I used to like the koala then a piece of chalk told me not to so now I don’t anymore

I got 19 personals into the last issue… that’s fucking blown dudes.

Dear roommate above me, the sound of you fucking has now become a lullaby, sincerely i want to get my nut too p.s. i can’t afford headphones

Guy in my Chem 105 Lab, Your girlfriend may not wanna fuck you anymore but I sure do. Sincerely Horny Classmate

axd usuab girl with the long dirty blonde hair with the white ford escape you are so hot I want to take you to the pumpkin patch;)

Dear Pasty Bitch, u fuck girls boyfriends and give them the itch u definitely dont need to eat another sandwich u look like an ostrich and smell like spinach fucking i heard is not your niche so go dump yourself in a ditch Sincerely, anyone who has unfortunately meet you

Dear Koala Haters, Learn not to take everything to heart. Its not always about you. And maybe i do secretly want to be raped. -Lady Koala Supporter

Fuck all you white racist mother fuckers. If you want to get delt with I will be glad to fuck all you mother fuckers up.

If ur the hot blonde guy with the backwards hat who works out at the Clarke Tuesday and Thursday mornings: let’s quit the eye fucking and make this happen.

Dilcieee, I wasn’t joking last article.