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Category Archives: Web Comedy
Adam and Steve
With gay marriage back in the news, it was only a matter of time before this classic line came up again. Some dumbass always jumps up and says, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!” and then sits down … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Articles, General News, Web Comedy
Tagged Adam, Eve, Garden of Eden, gay marriage, God, Steve
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Classy – A Word Only Used By People Who Aren’t
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mma-cagewriter/brian-stann-knocks-alessio-sakara-then-stops-fight-124227139.html UFC President Dana White calls Brian Stann “one of the classiest people on Earth” for not continuing to smash his elbow into a man’s face after he had lost consciousness. In the spirit of paying it forward, then, … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Articles, Uncategorized, Web Comedy
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Title IX Complaint Filed Against The Koala Is Rejected By CSUSM Administration
Dear CSUSM Students, The spark notes of Title IX anti discrimination policy states: “No person…shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any edu cation program … Continue reading
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Koala Party – Castle Blackout
What a better way to start the new semester than with a party marathon? It was seriously one party after another until the ultimate climax: The Koala party at Castle Blackout, in commemoration of our recent Channel 10 News Broadcast. … Continue reading
Top Five Things Conjoined Twins Are Best At
Being pointed at Having half your body shrivel up and die Sticking together Double dates Putting their heads together to solve a problem
Top Five Alpha Xi Delta College Careers
Real Housewife of San Diego Cosmetics test animal White House intern MTV Reality Show applicant My bitch
Top Five Groups Least Offended By The Koala
Da Brothas CSUSM Administration Party Rockers Soy sauce nation Frijoles
Top Five Things Kirby Would Absorb By Swallowing a CSUSM Student
An infinite cash flow to spend on parking passes The power to suck your way to an A in the class Extreme border hopping The power to swallow even larger things A BAC in the triple digits
Top Five Times It’s Ok To Cheat On Your Boyfriend
His asshole was getting too loose He called you muffin Well you don’t want to give him herpes He left you for Reddit He stopped paying for your abortions
Top Five Reasons to Shave Your Dick
You can donate them to pubes of love Your penis is a competitive swimmer No two things seem better together than my dick and razor burn Suddenly, penis She’s got head lice
Top Five Things Playing Cards Shout During Sex
I’ve got an Ace in my hole! Oh, double down on me! Ew someone dropped a deuce I’m in such a vulnerable position right now Hit me. Hit me. Stay.
Top Five Things I Think about To Maintain My Erection (While Fucking a Fattie)
Same thing as her: bacon I wonder how much of my arm I can get up her ass Breakfast is going to ROCK in the morning My dad will totes think I’m straight now! An even fatter fattie
Top Five Movies That Describe Your Sex Life
Black Snake Moan Toy Story Waiting Kazaam Heavyweights Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Hot Fuzz While You Were Sleeping Black Beauty The Dark Knight
Top Five Other Names for ZBT
Zainey Bagel Throwers Zero Bitches There Zion Bank and Trust Zayin Bataht (Hebrew for “Dick in the ASS”) Zero between the Thighs
Top Five Ways The Bible Would Be Different If It Were Written By College Students
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until Day 7 and then pulled an all-nighter The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon … Continue reading
Bottom Five Three-Word Phrases To Hear After Sex
Better than Daddy It’s so bloody Where’s my tooth? That wasn’t lube That never happens
Top Ten Reasons Studying is better than Sex
If you aren’t sure what you’re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help Your book doesn’t scream for help You don’t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle You can do it, eat and watch … Continue reading
Ed Box
Hey Cougs, I know it’s been too long since I last wrote, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I’ve been super busy. In the wake of our first issue of the year, a certain Dr. Greg “Don’t Ask Me … Continue reading
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Players Sports Bar
As my amigos and I walked up to Players Sports Bar late one Thursday night, I pointed out three chairs around one of the fire pits for them to grab and I went inside to buy the first round. It … Continue reading
Dorms and Confused
Whoever said you can’t live it up in the dorms? Sure, partying in a regular double room is an easy formula for drunken claustrophobia, but the important part is violating University policy, which I can assure you, we were. I … Continue reading
Detention at Belo Nightclub
The gentlemen of TKE did what they do best Thursday night and threw the first all school party at the elegant Belo Nightclub in downtown. At first I was a bit hesitant when deciding whether or not to attend this … Continue reading
UCSD Fucking Mongorian’s
I went down south with a buddy of mine to visit good old UCSD for some fine asian pussy. Now I always new of the infamous steretype that this campus was full of asian students but I never really lived … Continue reading
Please Ask and Do Tell … and Take Pictures!
Remember those fantasies of Homecoming you had back in high school? Imagining what it would be like to have a “lezzed-out” homecoming court. Wishing that the Jock who won the title of King were actually an exotic and stunning babe … Continue reading
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People For The Ethical Treatment of Everything (PETE)
Although PETA works hard to break down the current system of violence and oppression forced upon our animal brothers, they completely ignore the rights of the rest of the environment. Basing something’s worth on sentience is a horrible error. Everything … Continue reading
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No Pain, No Gain
by Patrick Wrath, Koala Correspondent Since the dawn of time primitive man has understood that seeing his buddy get punted for a mile by a woolly mammoth was funny. Watching other people getting hurt is in all likelihood (and I’m … Continue reading
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Top Five Signs You May Be Prime CSUSM Material
Disc golf is your passion You wear a helmet all the time Your highest aspirations involve World of Warcraft Confident your 5 years of community college have prepared you to take on the CSU system You were born and raised … Continue reading
Top Five Reasons You Will Never Be As Cool As You Were In High School
You have worse acne now than ever before You were never cool in high school and are exponentially less cool now In high school, it was cool not to be smart Having herpes in high school meant you were getting … Continue reading
Top Five Similarities Between Playing Guitar and Masturbating
A lot of both occurs in subway stations Both require at least one hand on the neck Annoys the shit out of your dorm mates (especially when you do it in the shower) Can deny you’ve been doing one by … Continue reading
Top Five Differences Between Playing Guitar and Masturbating
You can’t play guitar on an airplane Nobody offers lessons You KNOW when you’re done masturbating Mastered jacking off by the time you were 15 Closest you can get to a degree in masturbation is majoring in PoliSci
